I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
