There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
