how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
