Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
