I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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