i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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