Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.