Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.