Grow some girl-balls and come out already
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy