Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
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My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
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Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sext me about skeletons