I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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