Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
