what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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