I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
