What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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