Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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