pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
