dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
