he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
