I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
