All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
