my being single is dangerous.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
