big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
