So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
