Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
