did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
