I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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