I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
