i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
