"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
