We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
