She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
