My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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