I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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