So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
