Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
