Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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