when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
