perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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