the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
