I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
