i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
