as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
