don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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