If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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