Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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