oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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