It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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