Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
