is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
