New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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