My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
