making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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