he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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