Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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