I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
