How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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