i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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