Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
