I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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