You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
