she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
