i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You're like the curious george of whores
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
