I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
vagina is talking i cant
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
