That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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